Fifty Shades of Red (John)
by Lothiriel84
Summary: A collection of drabbles written for the 50 Phrases Challenge on Paint It Red. May contain some spoilers for season 5.
1. I love you

The sight of him standing on the threshold gave her mixed feelings; he was the one responsible for her losing the job after all. However, he'd also given up his revenge because of her, and that had to mean something.

"Why should I forgive you?" she blurted out before he had the chance to say anything.

Jane bowed his head ever so slightly, looking uncharacteristically nervous for once. It took him a moment to brace himself and utter those words.

"Because I love you," he murmured quite helplessly.

A moment later she rose on her tiptoes to meet his lips.


	2. I hate you

"You're late again."

He ignored his father's frown and crept inside the trailer. Alex Jane was sorely mistaken if he thought that his son would stop seeing Angela in favor of doing private readings. She was the single beautiful thing in his life, the one that kept him going in spite of everything.

"Sorry, Dad," he muttered without meaning it.

"Paddy, my boy, you have a gift. Don't waste yourself on that girl, she's not worth your time."

Patrick stared at his father as if he'd never seen him before.

"I hate you," he seethed, then bolted for the door.


	3. I miss you

Once a year he found himself staring at his own image in the mirror, like other men probably did before a date. Then he drove to the restaurant where he had reserved a table for three, sat down in silence as the waitress brought in his order.

One drink after another, his sight blurred and his mind turned hazy; he always tried to pretend that his family was there with him, only to fail miserably every time.

The alcohol did nothing to numb his pain either, all he could do was whisper a soft "I miss you" under his breath.


	4. Go away

That night he knocked at Lisbon's door, begging for her forgiveness. She didn't open though, even if he was sure she was standing at the other side of the door.

In the end he rested his head against the smooth surface, letting out a resigned sigh. He had taken a step too far this time, he couldn't blame her if she decided to give up on him at last.

"Teresa, please," he tried again, but she promptly cut him off.

"Go away," she said, and his heart sank.

Jane spent the rest of the night uncomfortably huddled on her doorstep.


	5. I'm sorry

There was a reason why Jane never apologized, unless Lisbon made it clear that he was jeopardizing her career that way.

It was enough for him to feel guilty about his family's untimely demise without bothering to repent of far smaller misdeeds. Everything else seemed so irrelevant when compared to causing the death of his beloved ones, he just couldn't get why other people made such a fuss over relatively unimportant things.

It was too late to beg for his wife and daughter's forgiveness; all he could do was whisper "I'm sorry" again and again, even though nobody ever answered.


	6. I'm not sorry

The last thing he'd ever expected was Lisbon making the first move and kissing him. Not that he was complaining; what her soft lips were doing was enough to take his breath away, and he complied willingly.

When the need for air became apparent, he broke the kiss and looked her straight in the eyes. A slight blush colored her cheeks, but she stared him back without hesitation.

"For the record, I'm not sorry," she said with conviction, and he smiled.

"Neither am I," he assured before sneaking an arm around her waist and pulling her in for another kiss.


	7. Forgive me

He paused momentarily and stared at the woman that was lying on the bed. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, except that her skin was so pale now.

On a sudden impulse he ran his fingers on her cold lips, those same lips he'd kissed many times in the past. As much as he loved her, there were things that mattered more than his feelings; still he'd made sure she didn't suffer for their parting, even though after his own fashion.

"Forgive me," he breathed softly into her ear.

But Rosalind couldn't hear him, and he disappeared into the night.


	8. Not yet

It was pouring with rain, they were completely drenched before reaching the car; one quick glimpse at one another was enough for them to burst out laughing.

When Lisbon tucked a strand of dripping hair behind her ear, Jane couldn't help but cup her cheek and lean forward to taste the softness of her lips.

Much to his surprise she didn't shove him away; she responded with equal sweetness instead. However, she only allowed him a brief moment before pulling back.

"Not yet," she murmured quietly, and he got her meaning.

He was confident that their moment would come someday.


	9. Give me time

It wasn't the first time that Lisbon visited Jane in jail, but then she hadn't been the one to put him there the other times around. However, he'd practically begged for it, given the fact he'd shot and killed the CBI director in his very office.

She took a deep breath before facing him, and yet she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes.

When Jane leaned forward to take her hand she jerked back, ignoring the hurt flickering across his face.

"Give me time," she muttered, then stood to her feet and walked slowly to the door.


	10. Too late

She knew who it was even before she opened the door. Ignoring the apologetic look on his face she walked him to the sofa and sat down.

"We have to talk," he announced quite redundantly.

"I think I've been clear enough, Wayne. I can't trust you anymore, not after what has happened."

Him faking his death had been the straw that broke the camel's back; she couldn't risk going through it another time, especially for Ben's sake.

"All I'm asking is one last chance," he pleaded, but she cut him off.

"Too late," and he let out a resigned sigh.


	11. It's mine

Dr. Wagner had been right about one thing, Jane did protect his core self fiercely.

Hiding behind a mask had been a habit ever since is childhood, given the erratic lifestyle he and his father used to lead; but it had turned into a necessity after the brutal murder of his family.

He couldn't afford to let other people see how he felt, the burden of grief and guilt he had to carry on a daily basis.

That's why he wasn't willing to share the truth with anybody else; the phrase "It's mine" had become his mantra over the years.


	12. Thank you

He never saw it coming when Kimball Cho tracked him down in a small coastal town near Malibu; the only thing he was aware of was the man's fist connecting to his nose.

"You really are a selfish bastard, aren't you?"

Jane had no reply to that, he simply clutched his sore nose. Of course Cho was right, and yet his departure was the better option for everyone involved.

"Why don't you try and be a man for once?"

Strangely enough, that was exactly what he needed to hear.

"Thank you," he said at long last, and Cho almost smiled.


	13. Wake up

He'd been there before with Angela, and even though Lisbon was still breathing that didn't make the situation less tragic.

His revenge had come at too high a price, the only thing he could focus on was Teresa's pale face as she was lying on her hospital bed. Once again it was his fault, if only he had trusted her with his plan she would have been able to prevent things from going so spectacularly wrong.

Bitter tears trickled down his cheeks as he held her hand and whispered a soft "Wake up," though he knew she couldn't hear him.


	14. Be quiet

She hated it when Jane tried to pull wool over her eyes after all the years they've been working together, let alone the countless times she'd stepped in to save him one way or another.

And yet that was exactly what he was doing once again, always the silver-tongued golden boy.

Only, this time she felt like she'd really had enough of it; she wasn't going to waste her time listening to his lies.

"Be quiet," she all but blurted out, her glare far more eloquent than any words.

She wasn't going to fall for his puppy dog eyes anymore.


	15. Listen to me

"Come on, Patrick. We both know you want this. Just pull the trigger."

Blood froze in her veins at the scene unfurling before her eyes; there was a manic glint in Jane's eyes as he pressed the barrel of his gun to Bret Stiles' temple.

The older man looked remarkably composed though, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Watching his enemy turn to the dark side would still be a victory for the serial killer, even if he ended up dead in the process.

"Jane. Listen to me," she said urgently.

She simply had to save him.


	16. It's my fault

He was vaguely aware of someone's fingers closing around his shoulder, but didn't bother to check who it was; the voices in his head were loud enough without him having to deal with the outside world as well.

"You didn't kill them, Patrick. Let them go."

Anger bubbled inside his chest. This woman didn't know anything about him, she didn't have the slightest idea what it meant to be living with pain and guilt that never relented.

He opened his mouth in a silent scream. "It's my fault," he shouted again and again, though no sound came out of it.


	17. Marry me

"I can't do this, Jane. Not anymore."

He felt something inside of him wither and die at those words. In a way he'd always known that his newfound happiness wouldn't last, he'd been a fool to hope otherwise.

"I understand," he said softly, steeling himself to face the inevitable. Lisbon would walk away from him, and he would just let her go.

"No, you don't. You've no idea what it means to be always second best."

His face turned deadly serious. "You're not second best, Teresa."

"Then prove it."

"How?"

"Marry me," she said defiantly.

Jane broke into a smile.


	18. Well done

It was true that closing the McTeer case had been a major breakthrough in her budding career. However, the thing that mattered most to her was bringing the bad guys to justice; she didn't care for the notoriety that came along with it, for her picture shown all over the media and the silly nicknames journalists gave her.

Seeing William McTeer get what he deserved was small comfort to the victims' families, but a comfort nonetheless; at least the monster wouldn't hurt innocent children anymore.

"Well done, Teresa," Sam Bosco praised her, and a warm smile crept to her lips.


	19. I don't care

Lisbon never saw it coming when someone knocked at her door in the dead of the night, and she found Lorelei Martins on the doorstep.

"Are you for real?" she mumbled, fighting back the urge to pinch her own arm. She was clearly dreaming, there was no other likely explanation.

Red John's girl didn't utter a word, she brushed past her instead. Lisbon shut the door then turned to face the unexpected visitor.

"I need your help. Even though Patrick will get mad."

"I don't care what Jane does," she shot back defiantly, and Lorelei heaved a sigh of relief.


	20. No more excuses

"Hey, Lisbon," he said casually as he strolled into her office. "What do you say about grabbing a bite together for lunch?"

She didn't raise her head from the paperwork. "Sorry, Jane. I'm busy right now. Maybe another time."

His lips set into a thin line; the truth was that she was avoiding him, had been ever since Red John's arrest. It was typical of them: now that he was making tentative steps towards moving on, she was pulling back from him instead.

"No more excuses, Teresa. I can't take it."

She bit her lip before finally dropping the pen.


	21. Happy Birthday!

He frowns when Lisbon claims he's not going to get any birthday present from her this year.

In the end he shrugs and heads to the attic, balancing a cup of tea in his hand.

A warm smile tugs at his lips when he finds a puzzle box staring at him from his makeshift desk, the exact copy of the one Lisbon smashed with her hammer.

Inside the box there's a small piece of paper, the words "Happy Birthday!" scribbled in her flowing handwriting.

He carefully stores it inside his wallet, right beside the small snapshots of Angela and Charlotte.


	22. It's over

Her heart skips a beat when Jane eventually steps into the morgue, his eyes glassy and his face unreadable.

Rosalind immediately senses his presence, for she turns towards him and lets out a hushed whisper. "It's really him this time."

The silence is so thick she could cut it with a knife. Jane chews at his lower lip, lost in thought, while the blind woman is struggling to fight back her tears.

"It's over," he says in wonder, his voice smaller than she expects.

Then he just walks away, and Lisbon offers her condolences to the former serial killer's lover.


	23. Don't do that

Lisbon rolls her eyes when he perches on the corner of her desk and just stares at her.

He knows she finds it unnerving, but he can't help it. Not when she's so beautiful and alive, and Red John is nothing more than the memory of a bad dream.

"Don't do that," she warns softly, and he all but shrugs.

"Why not?"

She meets his gaze at last, blush spreading all over her cheeks at the open admiration in his eyes.

"Jane. I have work to do."

Her words lack conviction though, and he graces her with an affectionate smile.


	24. There's no need

Angela plays nervously with one of the ribbons in her dress, a poor excuse indeed for avoiding to meet Patrick's eyes.

He's still right in front of her, wielding a simple engagement ring he's just pretended to materialize from behind her ear.

"There's no need," she murmurs slowly, but he promptly cuts her off.

"I want you to be my wife. It's as simple as that."

She finally finds a smile of her own. "I never thought you were the marrying kind."

"You should know that I'm always full of surprises."

"Ever so modest," she teases lightly before kissing him.


	25. Give up

She should have known better than to challenge him. Now she's wriggling under his fingers, as he unerringly finds all the most ticklish spots in her body.

"Give up," Jane warns her lightly, but she keeps her mouth tightly shut. They both know she can be as stubborn as him, if not more.

Breath hitches in her throat when his fingers skim dangerously close to her breast.

"Just say the words, and I'll stop," he says, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

Her eyes flutter shut as their little game suddenly turns into something quite different than they were expecting.


	26. Keep fighting

It always happens when the ghost from their pasts refuse to leave them alone. In the darkness they can pretend they're in someone else's arms – her mind conjuring images of Wayne, while she's not sure whether he's thinking of his dead wife or Lisbon instead.  
"We're fighting a losing battle," she whispers as they struggle to catch their breath. "It's not worth it."  
"Revenge is always worth it."  
She places a small kiss on his lips, then adjusts her hair and clothes.  
"Keep fighting, Grace," he says as she slides the attic door open, and she almost smiles in response.


	27. It looks good

He mentally rolls his eyes as Jane explains another of his crazy schemes. The man always seems blatantly oblivious as to how things could backfire on the entire team, but Cho knows better than that.

It's not that Patrick Jane doesn't care about his colleagues and friends; he just thinks that all of his plans are entirely foolproof, which is actually far from the truth.

"It looks good to me," Rigsby nods after a moment, and he just shrugs in surrender.

At least they're keeping the ladies out of this, he muses as he eventually falls into step behind them.


	28. I can't

His fingers are already fumbling with the last button of her shirt when she stops him by pushing firmly against his shoulders.

"Grace," he begs softly, his heart breaking a little when she stubbornly avoids his gaze.

He's been waiting for this moment for so long, and now it's slipping right through his fingers once again.

"I can't," she murmurs at last, and a resigned sigh falls from his lips.

His eyes follow her as she hastily buttons up her blouse and makes for the door.

In spite of all that happened, he still loves her like the first day.


	29. Don't blame me

Lisbon keeps sulking all the drive home, watching out of the window and refusing to talk to him.

He's actually sorry that she sprained her ankle, that surely wasn't his goal when he claimed he saw some gold on the banks of the river; he just wanted to gauge the reaction of all those diggers gathered nearby, how could he imagine that they were going to run over his petite friend?

"Don't blame me," he murmurs apologetically, as she gets out of the car and stubbornly refuses any help from his part.

Jane only shakes his head and follows suit.


	30. What was that?

Teresa is alone in the quiet of her office, facing the mountain of paperwork that is a consequence of Red John's demise. As happy as she is that the serial killer is finally out of picture, she can't help finding this a bit of an anticlimax after the events leading to his capture.

The pen falls from her hand when Jane waltzes in through the door, walks up behind her and envelopes her in a warm embrace. A kiss is dropped on top of her head, and then he's gone.

"What was that?" she wonders softly, but she's already smiling.


	31. Not again

Teresa has just sunk into a deep slumber when something comes to wrestle her out of Morpheus' arms.

"Not again," she mumbles wearily, struggling to crack her eyes open.

Warm lips touch her brow, and a soft voice whispers in her ear. "My turn now. Go back to your beauty sleep."

The baby stops crying as soon as his father scoops him up in his arms. Then she hears Patrick humming snatches of old songs by way of a lullaby, and she feels herself drifting towards dreamland once more.

A smile tugs at her lips the moment she falls asleep.


	32. Be careful

He lies down onto the mattress, listening to the empty silence that surrounds him.

In the dark he can't see the ominous smile looming above him, but he doesn't need to; it's permanently engraved in his mind, the bane of his entire existence.

"Be careful, Patrick," that's what his wife used to tell him. He always laughed at her warnings, but now he doesn't feel like laughing anymore.

It's Red John's turn to laugh now.

Bitter tears trickle down his cheeks, but he's never allowed a temporary reprieve from the pain.

He can't even cry himself to sleep at night.


	33. Excuse me

It's only when she's mad at him that he remembers to tap his fingers against the doorframe before entering her office.

Lisbon doesn't dignify him with a word, just waits for him to make the first move. He's silent for a moment, then wishes her goodnight and makes to leave.

That's when she raises her head, her voice even as she drops a deceptively casual remark.

"Excuse me but aren't you forgetting something?"

Jane turns on his heels, looks her in the eyes before giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

She frowns and shakes her head in defeat.


	34. Just behave

That's the part of the job she hates most. She's about to step into a room full of influential – and quite susceptible – people, and even though one of them is most likely a murderer they still expect to be treated with the utmost tact and diplomacy.

A sigh falls from her lips as she turns to face Jane. "Just behave, okay?"

He flashes her one of his dazzling grins, and she knows it's only a matter of time before chaos ensues.

She's not even sure why she still bothers, but then she's always been one for lost causes after all.


	35. Who are you?

He can see her in the half-light, eyes closed in sleep of innocence. She's curled up in her bed, clutching onto her favorite teddy bear; and for the briefest of moments his will wavers.

Then the child stirs in her sleep, her eyelids fluttering open at last.

"Who are you?" she asks softly, but she's not really afraid. Not yet.

He takes a step closer, threads his gloved fingers through her golden curls. Surely it's a pity to waste something so precious and beautiful, and yet he knows it has to be done.

Patrick Jane has to learn his lesson.


	36. Welcome back

It's not like she's been away that long, but she still missed all of them. Now she's back to where she belongs, surrounded by her friends.

She smiles as Lisbon walks by cradling a mug of coffee; Jane is dozing on his couch, while Cho and Rigsby are arguing over something she can't quite grasp.

Then she finds herself staring at the beautiful orchid resting on her desk. She should have thrown away the "Welcome back" card that went along with it, but she's still keeping it in her purse.

Now she just doesn't know what to do about it.


	37. You lied

For a moment she can't believe her own ears, and then she knows.

He's using her, like any other man she's ever met. To think that she was starting to trust him – even love him, but she'd rather not go there right now.

She's sick and tired of being played, of being a tool in someone else's hands. Red John and Patrick Jane are two of a kind, she doesn't want to have anything to do with them anymore.

When he's back she hits him, hard.

"You lied," she seethes, then proceeds to kick the living daylights out of him.


	38. Be brave

Her father's suicide note was addressed to her.

"Be brave," it said, and that's exactly what she's tried to do ever since. No one can know how hard it is to always be the strong one, to keep going in spite of all the pain and fear. She's practically raised her brothers, and now she has her own team to look after.

Especially a certain Patrick Jane, who needs her more than he's willing to admit.

So she simply ignores the sword of Damocles hanging right over her head.

It's Red John who'll learn to fear her in the end.


	39. You're sweet

His heart swells with longing when Teresa runs after him, promises she'll try to fix it somehow.

For a moment he's sorely tempted to tell her everything, how he's just faking his breakdown as a ruse to trap Red John. He can't though; it won't work if she knows.

"You're sweet," he says, and then he's gone.

There's still a long way to go if he wants to lure the serial killer in, he can't afford to dwell on the feelings he's been harboring for quite a long time now.

He closes his eyes, steeling himself for whatever comes next.


	40. That's cruel

She can't bear to see him living a half-life, even now that Red John is no more.

Jane always refuses to heed both her pleas and her threats; he just keeps hiding in the attic, fiddling with the wedding band he's still wearing on his finger.

"You know what?" she bursts out at last. "I think that your wife would hate to see what you've become."

He visibly winces at her words. "That's cruel," he murmurs softly, and a small pang of guilt hits her.

However, she knows that sometimes you have to be cruel in order to be kind.


	41. Please stop crying

He'd always known that a woman like Summer only meant trouble, and yet he hadn't been able to fight the attraction he felt for her.

However, it was better to end things before they got out of hand. That was the reason why he was currently driving her to the train station; it was a relief to know that her sister was going to look after her from now on.

When a single teardrop trickled down her cheek, he turned towards her at last.

"Please stop crying."

Summer offered him a watery smile before finally getting out of the car.


	42. Look over there

Wayne started nibbling at his sandwich, while Kimball Cho stoically flipped through the pages of his book.

"Are you ever going to have lunch, man?"

The only answer he got was a shrug. Since his friend seemed to be in an even less talkative mood than usual, he decided he would just go make himself another sandwich.

However, he stopped dead in his tracks when he caught a glimpse of something he wasn't quite expecting.

"Look over there," he whispered under his breath.

Cho didn't even raise his eyes from the book. "Told you so. You owe me fifty bucks."


	43. Forget it

She stared in disbelief at the low-cut dress he'd had the nerve to buy her.

"Forget it," she said categorically. "I'm not going to wear that thing."

He pouted, always the big baby. "Please."

"Not on your life."

"Teresa."

"Jane. I. Am. Not. Wearing. This. Dress."

"I'll behave for a week."

"No."

"For a month then."

"I know better than to trust your promises."

"Could you at least try it on?"

She shrugged, then went to change into it; surely it wouldn't hurt to wear the thing just once.

However, the sight of Jane's dilated pupils proved her completely wrong.


	44. It means nothing

The man's lips caressed her skin, a promise of delightfully wicked things to come.

She shivered in anticipation, longing for the moment he would mark her as his own and yet dreading it at the same time.

This was so wrong; she was supposed to fight against the bad guys, not to surrender to their charms. And yet she couldn't deny how much she wanted this, wanted him.

She was sure he could see it in her eyes too.

"It means nothing," she warned him. "Nothing."

He smiled softly against her neck, then claimed her lips for a passionate kiss.


	45. Just relax

He whined again, and she bit back an annoyed huff.

"Unbutton your shirt, now."

When he finally complied she started working at the knots in his shoulders. Given how tense he was, it wasn't a wonder that his neck was hurting like hell.

"Just relax," she whispered gently, and he let out and appreciative hum.

The breath hitched in his throat as she pushed the shirt further down his arms. Her heart suddenly picked up speed as she unwittingly planted a kiss between his shoulder blades.

She was the one who woke up with a stiff neck the morning after.


	46. Go fly a kite

It's bright and early in the morning, but she's already sick and tired of her consultant wreaking havoc all around.

"Go fly a kite, Jane," she yells at last, relieved when he actually disappears from her sight.

Later on, as she walks out of her office for a fresh mug of coffee, she all but rolls her eyes at the sight of him slumped on the bullpen floor.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He flashes his most annoying grin. "A kite, as you said."

When he shows her his handiwork, she can barely fight back the urge to scream.


	47. Not my cup of tea

When Lisbon announces they have to make some background check on the suspects, he yawns expansively and heads to his faithful couch.

"Not my cup of tea, dear," he says candidly in response to her glare.

Later in the afternoon he strolls to the kitchenette, only to find out that the box of his favorite tea has seemingly vanished into thin air.

He all but bangs into Lisbon's office. "You stole my tea, didn't you?"

"You're the mentalist, you tell me."

He's not sure whether she's punishing him for insubordination, or for the term of endearment he dared to use.


	48. A piece of cake

She rubs her temples, desperately trying to fight back the mounting headache.

"So we've got no evidence, and no witness."

"We'll just have to make him confess to the murder, that's all."

Her fingers itch for a moment, it would be so nice to throw the stapler at him.

"And how do you plan to do that? He seems quite determined not to say anything at all."

A smirk hovers on Jane's lips, and she knows that always means trouble.

"Leave it to me. A piece of cake, I tell you."

Lisbon all but bangs her head onto the desk.


	49. A storm in a teacup

"Come on, Lisbon. It's not that bad."

"No, you're right. It's far worse."

He shakes his head. "A storm in a teacup, that's what it is. It will come down to nothing in the end."

"Yeah. Excuse me if I care about my job more than you do."

She bolts for the door, but he promptly stops her.

"Teresa. I do care for your job. I'll be the one to quit if needed."

They look at each other in silence. He's not sure when she came to matter more to him than Red John; he just can't deny it anymore.


	50. Not for all the tea in China

He's cradling her in his arms, and for the first time in years she feels truly happy.

However, that's exactly what scares her; she's learned the hard way that happiness never lasts, and she doesn't want to lose him as well.

"What about your revenge?" she inquires at length. "Don't you regret that I stole it away from you?"

"Not for all the tea in China," he says, and she can tell that he truly means it.

"And what about your family?"

"They'd be happy to know that I have you."

Teresa smiles softly and finally relaxes into his embrace.


End file.
